I'm waiting around to hear about jobs. I'm waiting for some money that I might be getting to come in. I'm waiting to see what the summer is going to be like, stuck her with no job slowly going insane dealing with my family while really wanting to get the fuck out of here. Waiting, waiting, waiting.......Yes its that kind of blog posting again. I'm bitchy. If I remember right I haven't had one of these posts in a while so just deal with it.
I have a feeling that my big break with the BBW artwork getting noticed and stuff isnt going to happen. I look around at the other art blogs, sites and articles that get picked up on the internet and I really get discouraged. Everyone is so much better than I am. It seems like everyone gets noticed for their skill except for the guys doing fat girl drawings. I am very happy to have the little core audience I have but I want and know I can do better. I just have no idea how to do it. All these new young artists in comics, design studios and freelance gigs blow my work out of the water. I really don't know what I am missing that doesn't allow me to see things the way they do. Their works cover everything so well. Design, presentation, colors execution. I feel incredibly left behind and its one of those times that I just sit around and think "Why do i even bother?"
That thought translates to other parts of my life too. Looking for a full time job, helping with the family and living at home for so long has just run me down. I had a really fun weekend last weekend too and its just smash back to reality once the buzz wears off. I suppose that finding out a friend has died will kinda do that. I really didn't know how to react to the news, I still don't think i do but her passing has had a bigger effect on me than I realized.
For those of you that may not know and might have known her, my friend Beth aka Madison Aikers passed away over the weekend. I saw the posting by her best friend on Facebook on sunday morning and that kinda sent things into this sense of shadow. She was incredibly sweet and very fun to hang out with. I met her last year at the Labor Day bash for Heavenly Bodies here in MA. I met her in the drink line and we got talking. She introduced herself as "Beth" and we ended up hanging for much of the dance saturday night. It wasn't until later in the night that i realized and was told she was Madison Aikers of Big Cuties and Feed This Fatty fame. We ended up hanging out for much of the weekend and she even got me to come back for the sunday night dance and pool party. I hung out again all night and we talked and she really opened up about her various illnesses. I'm still not sure of what she had but i know that it was really hurting her this year. We talked off and on after missing out get together over New Years weekend. The last I heard from here was early in May and she had said that she was doing better but still had a few recent hospital stays.
I had actually sent her a text friday morning to see how she was doing. I guess now we know. She was very into the gaining and feeder aspect of the BBW community but thats not all she was about. She was so nice and pretty. I really enjoyed her company and am going to miss her tremendously. RIP Beth
It seems rather stupid to continue bitching and moaning about how semi shitty things are around here so I will just leave it at that for now. I needed to get my thoughts and feelings out there at least.
Again, rest in peace Beth. I'm going to miss you.
No comments:
Post a Comment